What South African Men Really Want in a Relationship

I’ll be honest—I’m no relationship guru. In fact, if I claimed to know exactly what men want from a relationship, I’d be lying. Over the years (please don’t judge, lol), I’ve had my fair share of both good and bad relationships. Yet, somehow, I’m still trying to figure out what truly makes men tick. Not because men are overly complicated, but because I’m one of those women who still think men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But are our needs really that different when it comes to love and connection?

South African men are often viewed through stereotypes that oversimplify their desires. But beneath the surface lies a rich complexity that goes beyond the usual clichés.

What do South African men really want in a relationship?

At SistaMagazine.co.za, we’re peeling back the layers to explore the qualities, values, and connections that truly matter to men in Mzansi. Whether it’s about shared goals, emotional support, or just finding someone who genuinely understands them, the answers may surprise you.

This isn’t about relying on outdated ideas or guessing games—it’s about gaining insight into the modern South African man’s perspective. So, ladies, take note, and gentlemen, let’s talk about what’s really in your hearts.

To dig deeper, I spoke to a few South African men about their views on relationships, and their responses were nothing short of eye-opening. What’s your take?

“Mutual honesty, trust, and consistently making time for each other is what makes for a long lasting relationship,”- says Paul Shabba.

“Personality is the first thing for me—I do not like someone who makes a lot of noise without reason. I dislike extroverts. I am an introvert, and one of my traits is that I focus on the important aspects of whatever the discussion might be about. Some people use their big mouths to defend themselves. I just admire the truth, irrespective of the damage it might cause… not speaking loudly based on lies. I just hate lies and people who reason just to protect their own skin,” – says Moeletsi John.

Also Read: 10 Moves for Intimate Connection and Ultimate Pleasure

“Ambition—because many women don’t really understand the true meaning of ambition, some think that ambition is to give a man sex all the time without any excuses. But for me, as a man, if a woman cannot make me go crazy because of her level of intelligence, it means she doesn’t deserve to be with me,”- says Hermann N.

“Communication—because communication allows both partners to express themselves and their feelings. If the relationship were to fail, it would not be because of a lack of communication,” – says Hermann N.

“Personality, respect, and communication. Respectful communication allows open and honest discussions. Respecting your partner means acknowledging their emotions,” – says Vuyani Sogiba.

“Men are going through a lot and unemploymet is making things worse. We men believe that women should be more understanding and provide that sense of peace. We can’t really share how we are feeling because society expects us to be strong and not cry about the challenges we face. I don’t even date because I’m scared of the pressures that women bestow on us as men. Therefore, if I were to ever date again, I’ll prefer to be in a relationship where my woman gives me peace and doesn’t expect a lot from me,” –John Ditato Mokanyane.

“If there’s no respect in the relationship, there’s no love. Men take respect seriously in a relationship, and when a woman shows respect to her man, the man will submit to his woman fully without any doubts,” – says Mbongeni Magubane.

“Well, I believe good communication is important because it’s kinda like the Basis/Basics, the foundation for any relationship, it helps to avoid misunderstandings, assumptions and helps manage or clarify expectations from each other. Good communication also helps with transparency and emotional awareness. A house without a strong foundation is like a relationship without good communication, a mild breeze can cause it to fall anytime lol,” – Mjakes VE Ramutloa.

“The most important quality I look for in my lady is respect because it is in my nature to want my lady to respect or submit. Plus, being a Christian, the Bible says wives must submit to their husbands,” – says AI Mufaro.

“Men hate arguments. They love being in control of the household. They want to be informed about everything that’s happening in the household. They like to be the sole provider and financial provider, so they can’t be bothered with every little detail that they feel the woman can handle. Men also love their own space,” – says Mbongeni Magubane.

“I want a relationship where my partner and I grow together and respect each other. Someone who shows me love, chooses me over anything else, is loyal, and has a very good credit record without crazy debts,” – says Nkulie Zondo.

“I feel that transparency is the highest form of intimacy. I am mostly attracted to a person who is transparent because that creates a platform for us to get to know each other better, as well as eliminates the element of surprise at a later stage in our union,” – says Nkululeko Mathebula-Malinga.

“Men seek to commit to a woman with high standards. What I mean by this is the following: men are mostly attracted to women who conduct themselves in a dignified manner—from how a woman speaks, to how she dresses, and to women who are family-oriented. The contradiction with the aforementioned qualities that men seek is that men also want to commit to a woman who will let loose in the bedroom—a partner who will be kinky when it is time for intimacy. I feel there has not been a safe space created for men to express this openly, and as a result, such topics are rarely discussed,” – says Nkululeko Mathebula-Malinga.

So ladies, there you have it! South African men aren’t as complicated as we might think.

They want respect, trust, and a partner who’s both classy and a little wild behind closed doors. They’re all about growing together, loving hard, and, of course, enjoying their space when needed. At the end of the day, it’s about finding someone who gets them, respects them, and brings a little fun into the mix.

Also Read: Top 10 Best Dating Sites For South Africans

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