5 Ways To Start Over After Failure
Something which cannot be avoided. Surprisingly, most people don’t talk openly about their failures. They’ll tell you about that great new contract they signed … not that deal they worked on for months, only to have it slip through their fingers.
Whatever the situation, being proactive is always going to be a better option than sticking your head in the sand and wishing it had never happened. Here are five steps to take when starting over after a failure:
1. Learn From Your Mistake, And Then Don’t Do Them Again
The obvious first change you should make is to not repeat what you did before. It’s worth spelling out though, because how many times have we touched the stove again even though we knew it was hot? The nice thing is that even though you failed the game isn’t over. Use your blunders as teaching moments, and craft a brand new game plan using what you learned. Who knows, maybe this attempt will be the one that brings you to your goal.
According to life coach Angel Chernoff at Hack Life, “Your mistakes and failuresshould be your motivation, not your excuse. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones. Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.” There you have it — failing is just another step in the game plan towards success. Get past it, learn from it, and keep going.
2. Give Up Your Need For Approval
Failing not only sucks because you didn’t get what you want, but it also stings because it chips away at your ego. People now know you didn’t succeed, and that could be embarrassing for you. But in order to pick up from your misstep and keep trying for your goal, you have to leave that need for approval behind. Only then will you be able to give your mission your all.
Susan Tardanico, leadership writer at Forbes said, “Often our fear of failure is rooted in our fear of being judged and losing others’ respect and esteem. We easily get influenced (and spooked) by what people say about us. Remember, this is your life, not theirs. What one person considers to be true about you is not necessary the truth about you, and if you give too much power to others’ opinions, it could douse your passion and confidence, undermining your ability to ultimately succeed.” When you’re not being stunted by the fear of what people will think about you, you can go so much further.
3. For The Next Goal, Don’t Make It Personal
Your failure isn’t your identity. Just because you haven’t found the right stride yet doesn’t mean you have to wear the “F” label on your shirt — sometimes it takes time, and you’ll get there eventually. Next time around, don’t make the possibility of stumbling so personal. If you do, it’ll chip away at your self-esteem because you’ll think there’s something about you that makes you fail. When in reality it’s not about you; sometimes you just need to feel out the right game of attack.
Tardanico shared, “There was a man who failed in business at age 21; was defeated in a legislative race at age 22; failed again in business at 24; overcome the death of his fiancée at 26; had a nervous breakdown at 27; lost a congressional race at 34; lost a senatorial race at age 45; failed to become Vice President at age 47; lost a senatorial race at 49; and was elected as the President of the United States at the age of 52. This man was Abraham Lincoln.” Imagine if Abe gave up after the first misstep, or even the third. He wouldn’t have ended up in the Oval Office, that’s for sure.
4. Don’t Lose Your Enthusiasm — Get More Of It
It can feel knee-jerk to sulk after a failure, but instead of spiraling into a pity party, get more enthusiasm for your goal. Think of it this way: Now that you were denied it, you only want it all the more. You want to prove everyone wrong — you can do it. You just need time. By doing this, you’re changing your mindset from a miserable failure to a persistent go-getter.
Chernoff shared, “If you don’t like something, then change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice. Winston Churchill reminds us, ‘Success is moving from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.’ The mind must believe it can do something before it is capable of actually doing it.” So when you fail, change your mindset on what that failure means. It’s not the end of the road; it’s a shot to try it again, just differently.
5. Next Time, Have A New Project Ready
Maybe the goal you had doesn’t allow you to start over again right away. Maybe you have to save up money or spend some time researching, and it has to take the back-burner for the time being. If this is the case, occupy your mind with a new project so you don’t have room to beat yourself up over your missteps.
Lifestyle writer Patrick Allan at Lifehacker suggested, “Get started on your next project and really focus on it. Filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki suggests having your next project ready so you’re always equipped to carry on. Nothing takes your mind off of things like hard work…The key is to switch your focus and give yourself time to remember that failing isn’t the end of the world.” By persuing something else for a little while, you’ll show yourself you’re still smart and strong and enthusiastic — the small fail didn’t take that away from you or change you as a person. And that will encourage you to go right back into it and try, try again.
